23 Comments

What fun! I know my sister would love a batch of snarky misfortune cookies. 😊

For my husband's birthday one year, I made "love cookies". I wrote down phrases that started with "I love the way you..." or "I loved it when you .." etc and put them in the fortune cookies. We're not very good at saying those things to each other (being snarky & sarcastic is so much easier for some reason!) so it was a nice birthday present.

Expand full comment

My father and I had a similar communication style. We knew we loved each other, just never said it much.

Expand full comment

That’s rich.

Expand full comment

And very crunchy.

Expand full comment

Perfect! I'm gonna whip up a batch containing The Last of Shiela–style messages and serve them at my Lunar New Year party. YOU slept with your spouse's best friend. YOU have an extensive anal toy collection. YOU are kiting Percodan prescriptions from three different doctors...

Expand full comment

Just remember to keep them in an air tight container if serving them on your yacht. Moisture is the enemy of crispiness!

Expand full comment

I love John. That said, my mom did have people move in one house down who would regularly borrow books and return them with Jews for Jesus pamphlets stuck in the pages.

Expand full comment

John and his wife Michelle are truly delightful humans. And OMG, Jews for Jesus! I used to dodge them nearly every single day walking to class at university.

Expand full comment

I feel like even the most benign fortune cookie fortunes have something of a dark side, if you read them correctly.

Expand full comment

Well you know me. I could find the dark side of fucking Pollyanna.

Expand full comment

Michael! You made me snort! Again! ❤️

Expand full comment

Then, madam, my job is done.

Expand full comment

#lifegoals clean, drunk, and free from scurvy 😂😂😂

Expand full comment

I am living the dream.

Expand full comment

Just today my voice to texting came up with “just desserts” and I thought of you, and here we are.

Expand full comment

Curious as to why that phrase brought me to mind.

Expand full comment

Food. Snark.

I'm sure Julie Andrews mentioned them in "My Favorite Things"

Expand full comment

Haha! Great idea! BTW, my landlord will be unhappy if I get a paid subscription.

Expand full comment

Oh, those crazy landlords!

Expand full comment

Jesus, take the Tuile

Expand full comment

Ha! Tuile of (Mis)Fortune

Expand full comment

I very much enjoyed this comment!

Expand full comment

It’s all in the intonation

Expand full comment